tamyu.net

2010 has made me give a lot of things thought.
Inevitably – “Where I am” versus “Where I wanted to be” versus “Where I want to be”.

I`ll be 30 this year.
To be honest, it doesn`t really matter all that much to me – I don`t dwell on age. It does, however, mark that 10 years have passed since I decided to pursue life on this path. Ten years and two months ago I made the choice to give up the life I had and pursue the one I have now. I gave up family, friends, and a person I loved very much. I burnt my bridges as the only other road was one to a place I could not be. Then simply ran away.

In a world free of preconceptions about me based on family or the past, I was able to make the life I have. And I am happy now. I`m happy with who I am, happy with the life I lead, happy with where I am. But it isn`t where I wanted to be. And I`m not really sure if it`s quite where I want to be. Life has reached that point where it moves along on it`s own without much input from me.

And really, it`s only selfishness that makes me ponder these things. I know that… For some reason I am reminded of a supposed “curse” I read somewhere a long long time ago. “May your wishes come true”… As if they do there is little left.
I have a wonderful husband and son, own a nice home and car, have enough money to live comfortably. What more is there to want?

Stability is a strange thing.